3 New Things I Learned From Clint Eastwood At The RNC

1.  President Obama is invisible. I mean, "Mr. Obama" is invisible.

2.  Clint Eastwood is crazy.

3.  I honestly can't think of any more.

However, I was able to come up with 7 Things I Would Rather Do Than Have Mitt Romney Elected.

Jennifer Lopez, I Mean J-Lo, Has A New Lesbian T.V. Show

She may be Jenny From The Block, but Jennifer Lopez is set to be an executive producer on a television show for women who don't love cock. Please note that I have an English degree and $40,000.00 in student loan debt, so making an immature, rhyming joke is the least I could do to honor my educational background. I digress.

ABC Family has recently green lit the new series Meet The Fosters, which revolves around a lesbian couple who are foster parents. People are pissed, especially the anti-LGBT group One Million Moms. Please note that the group does not have one million members, but around 40,000.

In a recent posting on the One Million Moms website, it reads:

“Obviously, ABC has lost their minds. They haven't let up so neither will we. ABC's Family Channel has several anti-family programs, and they are planning on adding to that growing list. ABC Family has approved a series pilot from Jennifer Lopez's production company, Nuyorican, about a lesbian couple and their diverse family. Many families have already discovered that ABC Family Channel is anything but family-friendly. But because of family being part of the network's name, we thought a warning should still be sent out for anyone who continues to watch the channel."

LGBT inclusive media has been a growing trend over the past few years. The New Normal, which premieres on September 11, revolves around a gay male couple who use a surrogate to have a baby. Partners, a new show from the writers of Will & Grace, follows the lives of two best friends; one gay and one straight, as they navigate their lives in New York City.

In addition, make sure to read How America Subconsciously Evolves, my newest op-ed for The Advocate, on how mainstream Americans are changing their beliefs on LGBT rights due to inclusive and gay friendly advertising.

Way to be progressive, J-Lo! The LGBT community appreciates it. Although we still need to take an official vote at a Lady Gaga concert, I think it's safe to say that collectively, we now forgive you for the 2003 movie Gigli.

Idiot Of The Week: Gina Rinehart

The richest woman in the word, billionaire Gina Rinehart, has a few "tips" for low-income individuals who are envious of those who live a lavish lifestyle.

A highlight of her recent advice:

“If you’re jealous of those with more money, don’t just sit there and complain. Do something to make more money yourself — spend less time drinking or smoking and socialising, and more time working.

Great advice, Gina! Who knew Australians gave such amazing insight?

4 Reasons To Be A Slut

Maybe everyone should attempt to follow in the footsteps of Ms. Rinehart directly, which involves:

1.  Being born to a rich family.
2.  Being left 30 billion dollars after your parents die.

In between steps one and two, one must gain excess weight to become seventy to ninety pounds overweight.

6 Upsetting Things This Week

1.  Realizing that Justin Bartha from The New Normal is not gay in real life.

2.  Realizing that Marcus Bachmann is gay in real life.

3.  Seeing cute Republicans at the Republican National Conference.

4.  Seeing ugly Democrat protestors at the Republican National Conference.

5.  Finding out that Lindsay Lohan was banned from the Chateau Marmont for not paying $46, 350.04.

6.  Finding out I was banned from my favorite dive bar in the East Village for making out with the bouncer in an alley. Uh, just kidding.

USMC Commandant James Amos: No Problems Since The Repeal Of Don't Ask, Don't Tell

James Amos, the "top" U.S. marine, had this gem of a statement back in 2010 regarding what would happen if gay soldiers served openly in the United States:

"When your life hangs on a line, on the intuitive behavior of the young man ... who sits to your right and your left, you don't want anything distracting you," Amos told reporters at the Pentagon. "I don't want to lose any Marines to distraction. I don't want to have any Marines that I'm visiting at Bethesda (hospital) with no legs," he said. He added that "mistakes and inattention or distractions cost Marines' lives. That's the currency of this fight."
 
Thankfully, I've never had to fight overseas, but for those who serve our country, I'd like to assume that while under gunfire or attack, they wouldn't be thinking about who their fellow soldiers are fucking, but I digress.

In a recent interview with The Washington Blade, Amos seemed to evolve on his beliefs. A snippet from the article:

“I don’t think there is a problem,” said Commandant Gen. James Amos during a National Press Club luncheon in downtown Washington. “I don’t see it. I don’t hear about it.” [snip] “We obey orders,” said Amos. “We do that better than anybody does and we have.” He again noted that he doesn’t “even get a question” about openly gay and lesbian servicemembers from subordinates and other Marines. “I don’t hear anything,” said Amos. “I’m not seeing anything at all, so I’m very pleased with how it’s turned out. I’m very proud of the Marines."

Ideas For Gay Pride Events At The Pentagon

Don't Ask, Don't Tell was repealed on September 20, 2011.

Gay and lesbian Americans are able to serve openly throughout the world as they put their lives on the line. When back in the United States, they are only able to legally marry their same-sex partner in a handful of states.

Ann Romney Loves The Television Show Modern Family

In a recent interview with Entertainment Tonight, Ann Romney said that her favorite television series is Modern Family, which portrays the lives of a "modern" American family that includes a gay couple and immigrants. Hmmmm.

Show creator Steve Levitan was excited, and even had a tweet for the potential first lady:

"Thrilled Ann Romney says ModFam is her favorite show. We'll offer her the role of officiant at Mitch & Cam's wedding. As soon as it's legal."

7 Things I'd Rather Do Than Have Mitt Romney Elected

In other news, I also heard a rumor that she and Todd Akin watch marathons of 16 And Pregnant together while naming the unborn children of rape victims.

New San Francisco Archbishop Arrested For Driving Drunk

Bishop Salvatore Cordileone, an outspoken proponent against marriage equality in California, nicknamed "The Father of Proposition 8," was arrested this past weekend  in San Diego after having dinner with friends.

Prop 8 was a ballot proposition and constitutional amendment passed in November 2008, which banned marriage between people of the same sex in California.

And no, in case you were wondering, the DWI was not "Driving While Instagramming" a cross. He was drunk. Rumor has it he was listening to the song "One Of Us" by Joan Osborne.

Ever Wonder Why San Francisco Is So Gay?

On Monday, he released the following statement:

“I apologize for my error in judgment and feel shame for the disgrace I have brought upon the Church and myself. I will repay my debt to society and I ask forgiveness from my family and my friends and co-workers at the Diocese of Oakland and the Archdiocese of San Francisco. ... I pray that God, in His inscrutable wisdom, will bring some good out of this."

I also heard another rumor that he refused to blow into the breathalyzer because it was "too gay."

NOH8 Third Anniversary Event In Los Angeles

Idiots Of The Week: NBC Affiliate KSL In Salt Lake City

This week, the Salt Lake City television station KSL said they won't air the new ABC sitcom The New Normal. The series, set to premiere in September, follows the lives of a gay couple and their surrogate who is carrying their gayby. I mean, baby.

In an interview with The Salt Lake Tribune, Jeff Simpson, CEO of KSL's parent company Bonneville International, said, “For our brand, this program feels inappropriate on several dimensions, especially during family viewing time."

9 Myths About Gay Men

The series is set to debut on NBC on Tuesday, Sept. 11, at 8:30PM. Check out the trailer, but be careful; THERE ARE GAY PEOPLE, A BLACK WOMAN, and EVEN PEOPLE WITH PROGRESSIVE IDEAS THAT GO AGAINST THE BIBLE. You were warned. Be careful.

Bill Nye The Science Dude: Why America Is Wrong On Evolution

Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Do you remember who screamed that during the 90's? If you are thinking Monica Lewinsky; yes, you are right. However, that was also part of the theme song of the popular series Bill Nye The Science Guy. Bill is back -- and the bitch ain't impressed.

In a recent video for Big Think, Nye discusses how the denial of evolution is unique to the United States of America.

"The idea of deep time of billions of years explains so much of the world around us. If you try to ignore that, your worldview becomes crazy, untenable, itself inconsistent," Nye said in the video posted on Youtube.

"I say to the grownups, if you want to deny evolution and live in your world, that's completely inconsistent with the world we observe, that's fine.  But don't make your kids do it.  Because we need them.  We need scientifically literate voters and taxpayers for the future.  We need engineers that can build stuff and solve problems."

At Odds With Religion. Again.

In June, the Gallup Poll released its latest findings on evolution, which showed that 46% of Americans believed in creationism, 32% believed in evolution guided by God, and 15% believed in atheistic evolution.

I'm not going to knock the beliefs of 46% of Americans, but on what fucking day were dinosaur bones planted into the Earth?

This Gay Adoption Political Cartoon Is A Tad Bit Dramatic

          There's no way the gay couple wanted a dog AND a baby.

Bush Puppeteer Karl Rove To Speak At Canisius College

Back in 2000, in a dark room where gays, immigrants, blacks, and women were not allowed, a puppet looked in the sunken eyes of his creator and asked, "What would happen if I was a real politician? I mean, boy? Then what?"

As Karl Rove, the hot shot Republican political consultant and policy adviser looked into the eyes of George W. Bush, he told him that everything was going to be okay. He was soon to be president.

Alright, alright. I'm not exactly sure that happened, but I wouldn't be surprised if it did.

Now, while I love Buffalo and my Jesuit Alma mater, Canisius College, they are always doing styupied shyt. During my junior year, they allowed Orrin Hatch, one of the most homophobic and oppressive politicians, to speak on campus. This past year, they did not allow LGBT activist Zach Wahls to speak, for which they claimed was "lack of communication" with Unity, the gay straight alliance at Canisius.

On Monday, September 17, 2012, Karl Rove will speak at Canisius College. Rove’s lecture is entitled “Understanding America’s Challenges.

7 Things I'd Rather Do Than Have Mitt Romney Elected

"Canisius College. Where Leaders Are Made." My only question; what type of leaders are being "made?" Shit, that reminds me -- I have a student loan bill due.

Happy Women's Equality Day

On August 26, 1920, the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution was certified. What did that mean for America? Well, women were now allowed to vote in the land of the free. Females put their babies down and ran to cast that first vote -- running slow enough to ensure that their ankles did not show.

The right for women to vote was first proposed in 1848 and took over 70 years to pass.

This post is dedicated to all you women who will be voting for homophobic politicians this election season.

Happy Women's Equality Day!

5 Reasons Why I Wish My 20's Were Spent In The 1990's

1.  I could wear flannel all day, every day. If I went to a gay bar, I wouldn't be mistaken for a butch lesbian, with is oftentimes the case for me in 2012. Horned up, New York City lesbians aren't impressed when you get to their basement apartment and they find that you are packing some heat.

2.  I think I would be old enough to adopt the Bumble Bee girl from the "No Rain" music video by Blind Melon.

3.  When at a bar, my friends wouldn't be annoying as hell and constantly checking their iPhones. However, I'm sure one friend in the 1990's would have their eyes glued to their beeper. "Well, you know, what if it's an emergency?"

9 Signs That You Were Gay If You Grew Up In The 1990's

4.  There was no such thing as internet dating. Well, other than the AOL sex chats. ASL? Don't act like you don't know what that means. With less places for me to find a date, there are less chances for me to get turned down - or, even better, less of a chance for me to unknowingly agree to go on a date with a married couple. DO NOT use Match.com while drunk.

5.  I would somehow figure out a way to get on the set of Saved By The Bell during the episode where Jessie becomes addicted to pills. Um, caffeine pills. Watching this scene in person would completely make my life. Luckily, the clip is on Youtube, so check it out.

14 Best Bands Of The 1990's. Because Today's Music Sucks

OMG Guys Snooki Is In Labor

Reports are in that Ms. Jersey Shore, Snooki, is, like, having her baby right now! In less important news, a couple hundred more people are dead in Syria.

"Snooki is in labor y'all," tweeted one user. "My friend's mom works at St. Barnabas in Livingston, NJ and Snooki is there having her baby lol."

Photograph courtesy of Ricardo Garcia Vilanova.

Seven Things I'd Rather Do Than Have Mitt Romney Elected

1.  Have my mouth an inch from Jabba The Hutts asshole for an entire day and I am unable to breathe out of my nose.

2.  Listen to a straight monotone guy describe his sex life.

3.  Pretend like gun control is not an issue in the United States of America.

4.  Sit naked in front of a mirror and pin point all my flaws and then go to a gay bar completely sober.

5.  Find someone that looks like the offspring of Maggie from The Simpsons and Stewie from Family Guy ... and then fuck them.

6.  Highlight all the contradictions in the bible while in the front pew in church.

7.  Dress like an Abercombie and Fitch model, take a time machine, and transport myself back to Los Angeles during the Rodney King riots.

Empire State Building Shooting, Gunman Killed By NYPD

Close to a dozen people were shot Friday morning in front of the Empire State Building, according to the New York Office of Emergency Management.

The suspect in the shooting was shot and killed by police.

Reports of gunfire occurred around 9AM on Friday. In an interview with CNN, a witness said that the gunman shot a man in the head.

The Empire State Building is one of New York City's best-known tourist attractions which has around 4 million visitors to the building's two observation decks each year.

The skyscraper, a few blocks from my office building, can be seen from my office window. My thoughts go out to all those impacted.

2012 Aurora Massacre: The Role Of God And Religion

A Raisin Isn't A Legitimate Grape

Making Strides Against Breast Cancer In Brooklyn

As we all know, I hate boobies and vaginas, but I love women. And, from what I can imagine, losing a breast, or both, to cancer has to be a terrible circumstance that brings additional psychological damage.

Like that picture of me in pink? I wear pink underwear, too. Just an FYI.

A few months ago, I had a "scare" where a few doctors thought it was going to lose one of my testicles. Fortunately, it ended up being cleared up with an operation and medication, but it still had me thinking: Is this cancer? What happens if I lose one of my boys? What if I lose both of my boys?

On Sunday, October 21, 2012, I will be walking with my team - PINK OF THE PACE - in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, in order to raise money for breast cancers survivors.

My goal is $2,500. I know, I know, it's a fucking recession (wait, is it still?), so calm down.

For anyone who donates more than $37 to my goal, I will write you an article on the topic of your choice, up to 400 words. You will get a shout out in the post, as well as a kiss from me if I ever see you in person. Is this a form of prostitution? Oh well, it's for a good cause.

But, I'm serious about the article part. To donate, please visit MY OFFICIAL FUNDRAISING PAGE, and send me an email at Jeffrey.Hartinger@gmail.com once you have done so.

7 Possible Memoir Titles For Those Who Suck At Dating

Since moving to New York City from Los Angeles, I’ve found that it’s been a tad bit easier to sleep around. I mean it’s been a lot easier to sleep around. I MEAN DATE. Alright. Moving on.

When describing my dating and love life, I find it easier to compare and contrast popular culture to give my friends a better perspective, such as, “Think of the HBO show Girls with the suspense of the Scream franchise. That pretty much sums it up.”

A Generation Y Perspective On Love

It seems as if everyone has a memoir, so here are a few possible  memoir titles inspired by movies. And my life.

1.  Fifty First Dates (And No Second)

2.  The Goonies (Of Manhattan)

3.  Armageddon (On)

4.  Waiting To Exhale (And Die)

5.  The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly (And The Guy Who Seemed Really Nice And Then Said He Wasn't Really Gay Even Though He Kissed Me Goodnight And Asked Me To Stay Over And I Said No)

6.  Disturbing Behavior (And Mannerisms)

7.  Die Hard: Insight on Blue Balls In A Modern Era

Generation Y Dating Tips: From Trashy To Classy

Two Reasons Why You Shouldn't Party Naked

Since I have a sense of humor, and a little bit of originality, I'm not going to make a "crown jewels" joke regarding the recent images of Prince Hairy naked in Las Vegas. Oh, I mean Prince Harry. I suppose it's sad that as a young adult, he's unable to cut loose and have a little bit of fun, but that's just another day in the life of the British Monarchy.

Reasons To Have Sex With A Red Head

In the long run, I don't feel too bad for Prince Harry; when I take my clothes off at a party, the cameras are actually put away and I'm asked to leave.

In high school and college, the lines get a little bit blurred after one has a dozen or so Keystone Light and a bump of coke at a party or get together. But, make sure you put down that cheap beer and put that expensive polo back on. Here are two reasons why you should not party naked.

Reason One - You Ain't As Cute As You Think. I'm not saying you're ugly, or out of shape, or that you are not that prized possession you think you are, but one things for sure; it's easy to take those shirtless or slutty Myspace-esque pictures and look good. Hell, due to Instagram, any girl can look like Kate Moss before her 8th coke bust and any guy can look like a taller version of Tom Cruise from the 1980's before he kidnapped Katie Holmes. My point? Much like Prince Harry, the cameras and cell phones will come out, and unless you can live with the backlash in a digital world, I don't think many people can handle a sex related scandal on any level.

Six Things I Wouldn't Be Able To See In A Girls Life Without Instagram

Reason Two - People Are Waiting For You To Fuck Up. Surprise, surprise. Every Joe Schmoe and Jane Dodo from your high school and college are waiting for you to fuck up. Well, not you, necessarily, but for a majority of individuals in Generation Y, they take bad or scandalous news and run with it. Can you imagine what your worst enemy would do with a picture of you bending down to pick up a beer pong ball naked?

Hugh Hefner Defends LGBT Individuals And Gay Marriage

If the straightest man in America can support gay rights, then you can, too. Hugh Hefner was written a column to appear in the September issue of Politico that calls for the inclusion of gay men and women.

"The fight for gay marriage is, in reality, a fight for all of our rights. Without it, we will turn back the sexual revolution and return to an earlier, puritanical time,” he writes.

“Today, in every instance of sexual rights falling under attack, you’ll find legislation forced into place by people who practice discrimination disguised as religious freedom. Their goal is to dehumanize everyone’s sexuality and reduce us to using sex for the sole purpose of perpetuating our species. To that end, they will criminalize your entire sex life."

Sherlyn Chopra Is The First Indian Playmate

In other news, Marcus Bachmann is jerking off to a Playgirl magazine somewhere in Iowa.

You Don't Like Buffalo, New York? Well, Fuck You, Buddy

My hometown of Buffalo, dubbed "The City Of Good Neighbors," allegedly has the rudest people in the United States. Thank god I moved to New York City because the residents here among the politest; well, at least on Twitter.

Reasons To Have Sex With Someone From Buffalo

A new, rudimentary study by Vertaline used a certain methodology in ranking the cities, such as:

"We scanned for tweets containing phrases Good morning and F— you in 462 specific locations within United States. In order to get enough data for creating an animation we scanned Twitter at intervals approximately once per hour."

The Buffalo area produces the greatest prevalence of "F— you" posts.

Reasons To Have Sex With A Buffalo Bills Player

In other news, it's not really a tweet if your phone didn't want it to be. Right Todd Akin?

Follow me on fucking twitter, would ya?

@BuffaloguyinNYC

Idiot Of The Week: Todd Akin

When I hear the last name Akin, the first thing that pops into my mind is one man that is the prototype of male masculinity; Clay Akin. Now, my fantasies have been clouded, yet again, by an idiot politician.

Todd Akin, who is the Republican (surprising, right?) nominee for Senate from Missouri, recently told a reporter that women rarely get pregnant from rape.

A Male Insight On Reproductive Rights In The United States

"It seems to me, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that's really rare,” he told KTVI-TV in St. Louis this weekend. “If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.”

Todd -- women are humans, not robots that have automatic defense mechanisms that shut down their vaginas. By the way, what the hell is "legitimate rape?" Another gem from the Republican party.

Abortion Ban Stops Cancer Treatment For Teenager

I Hope Jay Z And Kanye West Will Sing At My Future Wedding

 

THAT SHIT CRAY? NOPE.

                                     THAT SHIT GAY.   

2 Reasons Why Paul Ryan Is Messing Up My Gay Sex Life

The downfall of my blog becoming more popular is that people are less willing to date me. And when I say date, I mean bang. I don't see why most gay dudes in New York City are getting their panties in a bunch; most of them don't even wear any underwear in the summer.

To add insult to injury, Mitt Romney went ahead and chose Paul Ryan as his running mate. Of course, if these two get elected, it's a big setback for gay rights. And women. And immigrants. And old people. And anyone who isn't rich. And ... well, let me cut to the most important thing.

Paul Ryan has already started to ruin my gay sex life.

1.  I had a threesome planned this week with two hot guys named Paul and Ryan. Not anymore. The only thing worse than saying "Paul" and "Ryan" during sex is "Marcus" and "Bachmann." Not that these two individuals are in the closet or anything. I'm not saying that. I'm not. Okay, maybe I am.

Reasons Why Gays Should Not Marry

2. He would ban all abortions, even in cases of rape and incest. I'm not a girl, but this completely makes me lose my hard on whenever I think about it. Why don't we just rip out pages of the bible and staple them to the United States Constitution?

Why Girly Jewelry Can Fuck Off

What's one of the best things about living in New York City? Meeting fabulous and talented artists, of course. Have you ever wanted a necklace that said something along the lines of "Fuck You?" Well, then read on and learn about Tiffanie Drayton.

A "Best Friends Forever" necklace is so 1992 ... and not in a good way, sister.

Nine Signs That You Were Gay If You Grew Up In The 90's
 

Drayton is mostly a self-taught metal smith residing in Brooklyn. The creator of Metal Taboo: Socially Deviant Metal Art, she began metalsmithing seven years ago after taking a class. Working out of her studio in Brooklyn, Metal Taboo was started three years ago as an embrace of vice.

She spoke with me about the popularity of her work and how artists can contribute to social movements. She is one bad ass chick!

Jeffrey Hartinger (JH): What was the initial response of your "controversial" pieces?

Tiffanie Drayton (TD): The line was started out of the belief that many people were feeling angst and frustration; I assumed from the beginning it might be well received. But because I started it online and didn’t get any in person reaction, the only feedback I initially got was based on sales--and I did sell relatively quickly. Once I started selling in person, I got the confirmation that people really identified with and liked it. And interestingly, a line that started out as a reflection of frustration and vice has snowballed into something that brings smiles to people’s faces. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, though. From the beginning, and still every now and then, a random person will challenge me, scoff, or give me an eye roll. I embrace it all.

JH: What is one of your best selling items?

TD: To date, “Fuck Cancer” and “Cunt” have been my consistent best sellers from the start. The “Fuck Cancer” is pretty self explanatory. The disease has run rampant and it causes a very strong emotion in people. As for “Cunt”, I remember thinking when I first added it that it was either going to go over really well or cause quite a stir. Needless to say, it went over extremely well. But I will say it is the number one cause of the scoffs.

JH: The mission of Generation: (WH)Y? is to entertain, as well as inform people regarding the gay rights movement. Do you see national marriage equality in the near future?

TD: The “near” future is subjective and as far as I’m concerned, years from now is not near enough; so I won’t use that word. I do think marriage equality will be a reality, but it will take some time. My belief on that has been formed not only by the fact that I am a black woman engulfed in a culture that as a whole frowns upon homosexuality, but also one from North Carolina, where people just a few months ago passed that awful marriage amendment. I can say from first hand experience that there are a lot of deep-rooted homophobic ideologies that have to be conquered in this country before change is made. There will be people fighting equality until the end, but there are great strides being made. We’ll get there eventually.

JH: Any LGBT related pieces in the works?

TD: Always and forever. I incorporate LGBT pieces as regularly as anything else. Pieces chanting “Gay Pride”, “Pride”, “Queer”. “LGBT”, “Chicks Over Dicks” or anything similar can all be found on display or in the shop at any given time. The LGBT community has been a great customer base, as well as source of creativity for me. I’ve even vended at Gay Pride.

---
Isn't Tiffanie awesome? Make sure to check out her official website, become a fan of Metal Taboo: Socially Deviant Metal Art on Facebook and Twitter, and shop for her items at Etsy. For some humor, read the 6 Things I Wouldn't Be Able To See In A Girls Life Without Instagram.

Idiot Of The Week: Porn Star Jenna Jameson

The first lady of porn, Jenna Jameson, has went ahead and endorsed Mitt Romney for President of the United States. In a VIP room of a strip club in San Francisco.

“I’m very looking forward to a Republican being back in office,” Jameson told a KCBS-TV reporter, champagne in hand. “When you’re rich, you want a Republican in office."

Hey Jenna -- are you aware that Romney has vowed to make porn illegal if he is elected?

Funny Generation Y Sex Tips

You Can Be Friends With An Ex

Over the years, I've probably had more boyfriends than Marcus Bachmann and Clay Aiken combined. Through dating - and more specifically, growing up - I've realized that it's more than fine to be friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend; well, under certain circumstances.

Check out my Rage Monthly column for August: It's An Adjustment. If you live in Los Angeles, San Diego, Orange County, or Long Beach, you can pick up a copy!

If not, click on the title, go to page 32, and read away.
 
You may also want to check out what inspired this column: I May Lose A Testicle.

Things That Will Change For Me If Gay Marriage Becomes Legal

1.  I'll have less things to talk about on my blog. This is the only civil rights movement going on right now, right?

2.  I'll have no excuse when my grandmother asks, "why aren't you married to a nice guy yet?" I don't have the heart to tell her that my cell phone number is etched into every bathroom stall spanning Los Angeles to Boston.

3.  I'll have to bribe Vera Wang into making me a tux. If this does not work, I'll settle for a dress.

Three Funny Issues Of Gay Men

4.  I'll have to draft up a prenuptial agreement to protect my assets from my future husband; close to $50,000 in student loan debt, my four year old iPhone, expensive clothes that I stole from ex-boyfriends and one night stands, and a half eaten pack of skittles.

5.  I'll have to receive the same rights as other Americans.

Reasons Why Gays Should Not Marry

6 Things I Wouldn't Be Able To See In A Girls Life Without Instagram

1.  What you had for lunch.

2.  How great you look in a washed out and touched up photo.

3.  A "sexy nerd" picture of you in big glasses and little clothes. You are not a nerd; you're a slut with glasses on. Take it from someone who knows.

4.  Your boyfriend with an awkward smile because he doesn't want another fucking picture taken. He probably just wants to fuck you.

5.  Your vintage looking cardigan that looks cheap, but you paid 200 bucks.

6.  A sunset with 38 colors with the tag "perfect," "love," or "life."

Why You Should Have Sex On The First Date

Congratulations To Chick-Fil-A

I'm exhausted by writing about Chick-Fil-A, so this will be my last post on the topic. I just wanted to send out a congratulations; not only to the company, but also to the countless Americans that stood in line for hours yesterday.

It was the "Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day."

The company reports record breaking sales.

In a way, I think it's great that so many Americans stood up for what they believe in; I suppose I'm just a little put back because after living in liberal cities such as Buffalo, Los Angeles, and New York, I'm a tad bit disconnected to how many bigots there are in this country.

I wonder what will happen if humans come across my blog a couple thousand years from now -- will they live by what I say?

Read a fucking book people. One other than a bible.