September 9, 2012

3 Reasons To Have Sex With Someone On The Buffalo Bills

For moderately attractive college girls with loose morals, Buffalo, New York is probably one of the best places in the country to attend school. For a medium-sized city where the bars don't close until 4AM, attractive young adults often times have their pick of the litter when it comes to professional athletes in Buffalo.

Please note that while it's OK to bang a player from the Buffalo Bills or the Buffalo Sabres, it's not fine to shack up with a Buffalo Bison; go big or go home, sister. One naive girl once admitted this in a dorm sophomore year and she was laughed out of the room. One rule about attending Canisius College; if you sleep with someone whose annual income is less than one years tuition, you need to raise your standards.

While I have not personally banged a dude from the Bills, let's just say I may or may not of had sex with a Buffalo Sabre whose name rhymes with Bryan Tiller.

It's no surprise that the Buffalo Bills love head. Just ask O.J. Simpson, right?
Let me get to the point: here are a few reasons why you should have sex with someone on the Buffalo Bills team.

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1. Walk Of Shame Adventure. Any girl with bleach blonde hair from your freshman seminar can tell you that she blew some Sabre in his Range Rover outside his house or apartment near Elmwood Village. Who hasn't?

With the Buffalo Bills, things get a little interesting in the morning, as most of them are shacked up in apartments in Hell, also known as, the Buffalo suburbs. While it may be easier for them to roll out of bed and make it over to the stadium in Orchard Park, thing's are going to be a bit rough for you in an attempt to get back to the city. Is this a perk? YES. As my grandmother always said, "you know what type of person you are when your hitching a ride back home wearing the same dress you had on the night before." You live, you learn; and hell, if you're lucky, the condom broke and you have amazing seats at Ralph Wilson Stadium for at least 18 years.

Reasons To Have Sex With Someone From Buffalo

2. Fantasy Football League. My junior year of college, I learned the hard way that "fantasy football" had nothing to do with my sexual fantasies regarding professional athletes. I would like to take a moment to say sorry - once again - to the fantasy football league members in North Buffalo. When someone brought up "tight end," I thought we were getting into a different type of conversation ... but I digress.

Anyways, when you sleep with a Buffalo Bills player, you are able to add another dynamic to your next Bills party you attend or game you watch. Since "pass the chicken wings" and "grab me another Blue Light" are the two most said phrases in Buffalo during September until whenever we almost make the playoffs, saying something like "hey, that guy who just made the touchdown? I fucked him after City Tavern last weekend. Yep. I fucked him."

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3.  Beef On Weck. Do you enjoy that unique, Buffalo sandwich? Then make sure you try the "Beef On Neck" sex move; you won't be disappointed. I promise.

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