We all want to party like its 1929, but sadly, we can’t. We are in the midst of a recession, and unless you are fucking someone with a big bankroll, please take my financial and personal advice. This article is for college aged kids who are deeply in student loan debt, but have that amazing $8.75-an-hour part time job that you go to when your car is not broken down. Grab a beer and take some notes.
Tip Number ( 1 ) One – Eating Disorder. Alright crew, it is time to get our eating disorders in check. Well, not in check, but let’s understand what is acceptable and what is unacceptable. Bulimia is out, Anorexia is in. Girls, gay guys, wrestlers, and all those in between – this is getting costly. There’s no reason for you to scarf down $20 worth of food if you are just going to throw it up. Anyways, any idiot who took 7th grade biology knows that bulimia eventually makes you gain weight. So, in order to save on the calories, in addition to the cost, just cut out food completely. And all that acid will completely fuck up your teeth – but, if you want to look like you’re from the United Kingdom, keep doing it. Say it with me: FLORIDE.
Tip Number ( 2 ) Two – Drinking. First, please reference the above tip. Even if you have good self-esteem, you probably still need to lose a few pounds. The perk of limited food intake results in a greater buzz when you are trying to get drunk. Take ten bucks, go to your local grocery or liquor store, and get a 5 liter box of wine. Unless you are a hardcore alcoholic, this should last you two weekends, at least. And bitch, don’t try to get fancy – drink that wine right out of the bag, baby! My Obsession With Wine is no secret.
Tip Number ( 3 ) Three – Clothing. Alright, sorry for my readers who are straight, but this tip is just for gay guys and lesbians. I have written previously about the Perks Of Being Gay, but for those of you who are Sluts like me, this can prove to be an advantage. After a successful One Night Stand, raid that little fuckers dresser when they are passed out and take what you want. A Prada polo? Yes - thank you very much. And do not feel guility – this is a recession – why the hell are they wasting $300 on a shirt? Well, you should be glad they did, cause now you got a cute new addition to your wardrobe.