November 15, 2011

Reasons To Have Sex With Someone From Buffalo


Although I LOVE living in Southern California, I still can’t get over my hometown back east – and honestly, I had some of the best sex of my life in Buffalo.  And let’s just say I haven’t been knitting sweaters and reading the bible at night during my time spent in Los Angeles so far.  I am a major advocate of my rust belt city, so here are a few reasons why you should fuck a Buffalonian.
Reason ( 1 ) One –Kinkiness.  One thing is for sure; those from Western New York are a bunch of kinky bastards.  Each Sunday afternoon during football season, I used to hear “Cum on Bills!” from a variety of different houses, no matter if I was in the suburbs or the city.  While it may be fun and a little different, it’s not really worth it.  I came on my bills, but I still had to pay them?  Also, since I come from sports obsessed town, people always want to have sex after a game – whether victory sex or pity sex.  I’m not getting into the crazy shit that happens if a game goes into overtime.
Reason ( 2 ) Two – Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  In 1901, President William Mckinley was killed and Buffalonians are still upset about it.  In order to cheer them up, you should have sex with them.  Or at least go to third base.  And while this is occurring, please keep the lights on out of respect for the late President – during the time of his assassination, my hometown was known as “The City of Light.”  Now I think the nickname is “The City of Labatt Light.”
Reason ( 3 ) Three – Drinking. People from Buffalo have a little problem with drinking, as in, our bars are only open to 4AM!  How fucked up is that?  By sleeping with someone from Buffalo, you are keeping things simple.  If you sneak out of their house early enough, you will probably never hear from them again; they were probably so black out drunk, they won’t even remember having sex with you.  While you may father a baby with fetal alcohol syndrome nine months later, she won’t even know where to look for you.  And if you are a girl, make sure to get tested if he was from North Buffalo.
Make sure to check out other Buffalo related posts, such as Five Signs I No Longer Live In Buffalo and The Best Bars Of Buffalo. And if you don't like Buffalo, fuck you.

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