October 14, 2011

Signs Your Boyfriend Is Gay

We've all been there -- you meet a nice young gentleman that is so gay that he makes Clay Aiken seem more masculine than G.I Joe.

And speaking of G.I. Joe, I personally think that he was gay. With Don't Ask, Don't Tell finally repealed, maybe Mattel will release a publicity statement soon.

Anyways, I've met many guys over the past few years that are so gay that everyone knows it except their girlfriend. Or in worse cases, their wife (shout out to Michele Bachmann and her drama queen of a wife, Marcus).

Here are some signs that your boyfriend is gay.

Sign ( 1 ) One - Taylor Swift.  After listening to "Love Story" for the third time in a row, you apologize to your boyfriend and tell him he can pick the next song.  After a few seconds, he responds, " Well, maybe we can listen to it just one more time ... "

Sign ( 2 ) Two - Sex. He wants to wait for marriage to have sex with you.  OK -- I have no issue with people with morals and standards -- I myself am a recovering slut. But, even if you two decide to wait to have sex, at least strip down in front of him and MAKE SURE HE GETS A BONER. And make sure that little bastard is not looking at any pictures of men that you have around your room, sister.

Sign ( 3 ) Three - Homophobia.  If your little diva of a boyfriend has an issue with gay people, then guess what? He's gay.  Sadly, the most homophobic and oppressive guys act this way to get the attention off themselves.

Sign ( 4 ) Four - Clothes.  You spend close to two hours getting ready for your date night.  You know you look hot -- you'd bang yourself if you could (And, quite honestly, you tried after that 3rd crown and coke and the full length mirror in your bathroom).  When he arrives, all he says is, "Oh my gosh, pink really is your color. But, are you really goona do that with your hair?  Here, let me help."

Sign ( 5 ) Five - Threesome.  After much discussion, you two finally agree to have a threesome.  He is beyond excited. After wondering out loud what it will be like to have sex with another girl , he says, "Who said anything about a girl?"

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