Early into my freshman year of college, I grabbed lunch at a café on campus with my friend when we overheard a conversation at the table next to us. “Holy shit,” said one girl, “I hooked up with so many fucking people this weekend.”
This weekend? Wow, you go girl, I thought to myself. And more importantly, I was in no place to judge, as I was Dating (ahem, banging) someone that worked at my small, Catholic college. He may or may not have been a professor. Cue little giggle.
My friend and I surveyed the girl; gorgeous, well dressed, somewhat conservative looking. Then it hit me and ironically, it was one of the first things I “learned” at college – sluts are no longer reserved for those girls (or gay boys) who wear tight clothes, thongs, and are openly promiscuous. And further, being slutty is not - and should not - be considered something that is looked down upon. It is something that should be embraced. It is something that should be applauded.
Here are my four reasons why
Reason ( 1 ) One – Protection. Alright, those in us in Generation Y can no longer act ignorant and uneducated on safe sex practices like the generations before us. Pull out and pray? No, I don’t think so – although I do pull out into traffic sometimes without looking and hope that no one is coming (no pun intended). And if there is a little mistake, girls have PLAN B. Or PLAN C, which is “accidentally” falling down three flights of stairs and having your fuck buddy left hook your stomach.
Reason ( 2 ) Two – The Future. This may seem a little dramatic, but your entire future and happiness depends on you being a slut. What is the divorce rate in the United States? How many people have affairs? My point exactly. Find out in your youth what you like sexually, what you like in a relationship, and have that gang bang at 24-years-old, cause if you are any older, it’s a little trashy. Let’s be respectful, you know? And if there are six guys and two girls, saying “no homo” still makes you gay. Sorry buddy.
Reason ( 3 ) Three – Because It’s Fun. Who really cares how many people you are hooking up with as long as you are safe? And honestly – if you are blackout drunk and can’t remember it – it never happened. Well, unless you have a baby 9 months later. But, you could always say it was Immaculate Conception. Millions of people believe the lie about that girl Mary, so why won’t they believe it about you?
Reason ( 4 ) Four – You Owe It To Others. Yes, you owe it to others in the world that are unable to express themselves sexually. I’m sure in conservative counties where women can only show their eyes that they are the freakiest sexual beings out there due to all the rules in their society, but they only get one or two sexual partners their whole life time. Lack of sexual partners, in my opinion, is worse than not being able to vote and showing only .05% of your body – just sayin’. So, before you fuck that random stranger from the bar this weekend, simply whisper, “This is for Anika Wehkabhi Abadullah from Iran. You’re welcome."
The Night I Was Kicked Out Of A Threesome.
The Night I Was Kicked Out Of A Threesome.
